Pero Cuando es in English I Lose Power
On my first year in college, I was walking home from work. Suddenly a woman asked: “How can I get to the closest supermarket?” My hands started to sweat. “Um, like you turn right. And then after you turn right, like you’re gonna go straight. Like straight, and then like you’re going to turn left. And then after you turn left, you’re going to see a park. And there at the park, like you might… Oh you turn right, and there you’ll see the store. Do you get it?” I replied. The woman was confused. She smiled and said: “Thank you.”
I was disappointed. On myself. A frequent feeling I have, cuando hablo mostly in front of White individuals. When I speak Spanish, I can articulate myself without doubt. Puedo hablar claramente, y si acaso, no me pongo nerviosa. O sea, no, si acaso no digo algo claramente, me auto correcto inmediatamente. Pero cuando es en English, when I have to make the switch, I lose power. I lose confidence and even self-love. I question myself. I doubt myself. Why can’t I be clear? Why can’t I pronounce the words correctly? Why do I just stumble with the words like over and over, or so, so, so, so over and over. And then with “Do you understand?” It happens all the time. Todo el tiempo. Me pasa todo el tiempo.
Viri (Vidi) Fimbres is a Mexican-American educator in Brooklyn, New York. She grew up in the borderlands of Sonora, Mexico and Arizona. She is a life-long learner. She is currently in the Literacy Specialist program at Columbia University. She earned a masters degree in Educational Leadership from The University of Arizona. In her free time she enjoys dancing reggaeton, banda, and cumbias.
